he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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