We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
