not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
