I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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