p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I should be sponsored by Trojan
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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