I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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