I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
