Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
As shirtless as possible
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
