he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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