Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
