So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
