Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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