soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
