he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
