I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
