like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
