She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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