i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize