Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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