she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
