oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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