im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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