Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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