Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
