No, drunk sperm still make babies.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize