Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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