Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
