Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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