I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize