the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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