I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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