The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
