Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
