i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
