Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
