Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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