I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize