Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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