and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
