And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
