forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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