She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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