If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
