the day after is always just damage control
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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