just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
