I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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