I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
