Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize