This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
