there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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