I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
