Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
