there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
