overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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