You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
