Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
