He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
