Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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