Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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