We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
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