My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
