am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
