you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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