Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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