All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
